I have a confession. Christmas prep this year is really overwhelming.
I know, I know. Christmas prep is always overwhelming. There's shopping, presents, parties and plans. Baking and christmas cards, and all of the other necessary Christmas trappings. And all to manage in the four weeks between Thanksgiving and Christmas. And Oh. My. God. I haven't even mentioned the Elf on the Shelf. The other night John asked me where ours was and I begged and pleaded with him to forget about it for this year. I just don't think I can be responsible for the creative antics of a plastic elf right now.
Because I am overwhelmed beyond the trim and trap. As a matter of fact, if our time abroad taught me anything, it's that the little details aren't always so important. The problem that I'm having, is that little reminders keep sneaking up on me. Reminders of what we were dealing with last year at this time.
For example, last week, when I pulled out the Advent Calendars, they were only half finished. They stopped at December 12, the day our movers came to pack us up. I put on a winter jacket for the first time this year, and found a chestnut in my pocket. They used to fall along the path on the way to the chateau. And earlier this week, we decorated our Christmas tree. Miss B didn't recognize any of the ornaments. Because the last time she got to decorate a Christmas tree she was only 3 years old. On the positive side, I only have to superglue one ornament back together this year. That tally has definitely gone down since the last time our family decorated a tree.
Every one of those reminders jolts me back to what we were doing last year at this time, and it physically hurts my heart and brings tears to my eyes to remember. I think about all of the traditions we are missing back in Belgium. I think about our old house, always so cozy at Christmas. I think about the moving stress. And how painful it was to look at hundreds of white boxes stacked in every spare space. (And yes, there were hundreds. Remember? They took apart our couch and it alone went into five different boxes. I think the dining room table was in ten.) I think about all of the goodbyes we had to say, everywhere we went. Goodbyes that seem like forever goodbyes because now Belgium seems so very far away.
Sigh. Deep breath. Maybe, I could use the distraction of the mischievous plastic elf.
One year since our move, we are in a good place. My little family has done such an amazing job with the cultural adjustments. My kids are thriving in their new school and activities and we are so proud of them. There are new career options that weren't available to us before. I am beyond grateful for new friends and exciting opportunities. And the chance to be around family. But the little reminders still sneak in and stab at my heart when I'm least expecting it. I don't regret any of it. We were so lucky to have the opportunity in the first place. I think...it's just one of those side effects that come from letting your heart live in two different places at once.
