Is there really anything more cultural than food?
I can't believe that I am still talking about this article, but there was one last point the article raised, and it's worth mentioning. The Wall Street Journal parenting article talks about snacking and specifically, raised an example about two families traveling together, one from France and the other from the U.S. In the American family the children helped themselves to the refrigerator whenever they wanted. The author raised a point about delayed gratification and tied it into patience.
But it is so much more than just that. I agree that Americans could stand to learn a little bit about delayed gratification. The immense amount of credit card debt is evidence of that. But thanks to the economic crisis of the last few years, us Americans are already getting a tough lesson in that department.
But with respect to food. Maybe snacking is a sign of an inability to delay gratification. But is that really a function of parenting failure or is it more that Americans just have a different culture with respect to food? So maybe, the conclusion should instead be that the attitude towards food in one culture or another lends itself to better parenting within that culture.
In the United States, in general, food is very casual. We are also a culture that "is on the go," so our food is also, "on the go." There is an emphasis on doing things fast. For example, the aisles in the grocery stores are filled with quick dinner ideas and "minute meals." There are all kinds of fast food options, some more healthy than others. Even sit down restaurants encourage diners to eat within an hour so as to "turn over" the table. I know, I used to be a waitress. And after watching a few seasons of Mad Men, I also think that sometimes, U.S. advertisers makes us think that we need to have all sorts of specialty products in order to make a fast dinner. By living for a few years without some of those fancy products, I've realized that cooking something fresh, or even all from scratch can be just as fast. But I digress.
What I've noticed about living here, is that meal time is more formal. Restaurants here never, ever rush people through a meal. In general, dinner is late, so that families can eat together once everyone is home from work. The focus is on sitting together, having conversation and enjoying the food. Wine is almost always served at dinner (not just for special occasions or on the weekend) and it's also not unusual to have wine or beer at lunch. It's not that we don't have special family dinners together in the United States. But in my family growing up, we were on the go during the week and focused on our family time (and enjoyed our dinners together) over the weekend.
For lunchtime, lunches are typically smaller here, usually I send a sandwich, juice and a piece of fruit. The lunch boxes here are easily half of the size of those in the U.S. But the children also take a snack to school, to have in the middle of the morning. I usually send something fun, like a waffle or cake - which reportedly is what all of the other kids bring for snack time. There is also a snack in the afternoon, and again it's usually a time to have cake or something sweet. This doesn't really spoil dinner, because again, dinner is served much later. In general, portions are smaller (in part because food is more expensive) and children are encouraged to clean their plates. I was raised on the clean plate theory, and with prices here, I more than understand the concept of not wanting to waste food.
But how does one take the best of both cultures, and use it to be a better parent? Personally, I try to take some of the best ideas I've observed and learned from living in the culture here, and apply it to our family life with the idea that we are still Americans, and some day we will be again living on U.S. soil. I'm not sure if it makes me a better parent or not, but we are living through an immersion experience and it's always good to have options and try new things, right?
If I send something sweet as a snack for school in the morning, then usually the dessert in their lunchbox is a piece of fruit or applesauce (which is also considered dessert here.) Once a week, the kids have hot lunch at school so they can get used to eating something different, under different cultural requirements (i.e. they usually have to clean their plates.)
I never require my children to clear their plates at home. Our rule is that they have to try at least one of everything. IF we were going to live in Europe forever, I would be a card carrying member of the clean plate club. But I know that some day we will probably be living back in the U.S. With the giant portion sizes in the U.S., I really want my children to learn to listen to their own bodies, and be able to recognize when they are full and stop eating. So we don't always clear our plates here, and I don't feel the least bit guilty about it.
When John isn't traveling, we try to always eat as a family, even if it's a little bit later than we are used to. We are lucky, because with John working from home, his "commute" is to walk down the stairs. Although, that time in the evening (between 4 and 6pm) is usually his busiest due to the time difference, and it's his best time to be on the phone to the U.S. so sometimes it's hard for him to break away. We try to aim for between 6 and 6:30, sometimes it's even later.
But the later we eat, the crabbier my kids get if their bellies are hungry. Besides, as Americans, in our to-go, non-delayed gratification culture, we LOVE our snacks. I don't want to give that up. And again, if we are going to eventually move back to the U.S., then my kids need to learn responsible snacking. So at our house, the kids have an after school snack, like a yogurt, or maybe a cookie or treat. Especially if they had fruit in their lunchbox. As we get closer to dinner, the healthier our snacks get. Sliced apple, or cucumbers. An orange or piece of cheese. The closer we get to dinner, I choose snacks that I wouldn't mind them actually eating for dinner.
I also almost always make popcorn when we have family movie nights. I grew up with that and it was a special family tradition. I'm excited to make that a tradition in my family now. Not to mention, I make really, really good popcorn (if I do say so myself.) I've been told on more than one occasion from several different people that it is "so American," to allow that. But guess what? I'm American. An American that LOVES her popcorn with a good movie and I will never, ever, give it up for anything.
So to wrap up this entire discussion on the incendiary Wall Street Journal article. I think it's easy to make a declaration that one culture or another is superior. It's easy to conduct studies, gather opinions, and form conclusions. Living as an expat in another culture opens a window into different ideas, such as restaurant culture and mealtime. The author of this parenting book (Pamela Druckerman) was lucky to have this opportunity. I feel lucky every single day (even the tough homesick ones) because I know that I get to do something that not a lot of people have the chance to do. But as a fellow expat, who is also a writer and considers herself a good American parent, I suggest that Ms. Druckerman, in authoring a parenting book, also has a responsibility. Not just to present the cultural differences that make the french better parents and declare opinions sure to incite and inflame passions. But also to tell us Americans how to apply those concepts within the confines of our own culture. I sure hope her book does this, because the Wall Street Journal article surely didn't.
I can't believe that I am still talking about this article, but there was one last point the article raised, and it's worth mentioning. The Wall Street Journal parenting article talks about snacking and specifically, raised an example about two families traveling together, one from France and the other from the U.S. In the American family the children helped themselves to the refrigerator whenever they wanted. The author raised a point about delayed gratification and tied it into patience.
But it is so much more than just that. I agree that Americans could stand to learn a little bit about delayed gratification. The immense amount of credit card debt is evidence of that. But thanks to the economic crisis of the last few years, us Americans are already getting a tough lesson in that department.
But with respect to food. Maybe snacking is a sign of an inability to delay gratification. But is that really a function of parenting failure or is it more that Americans just have a different culture with respect to food? So maybe, the conclusion should instead be that the attitude towards food in one culture or another lends itself to better parenting within that culture.
In the United States, in general, food is very casual. We are also a culture that "is on the go," so our food is also, "on the go." There is an emphasis on doing things fast. For example, the aisles in the grocery stores are filled with quick dinner ideas and "minute meals." There are all kinds of fast food options, some more healthy than others. Even sit down restaurants encourage diners to eat within an hour so as to "turn over" the table. I know, I used to be a waitress. And after watching a few seasons of Mad Men, I also think that sometimes, U.S. advertisers makes us think that we need to have all sorts of specialty products in order to make a fast dinner. By living for a few years without some of those fancy products, I've realized that cooking something fresh, or even all from scratch can be just as fast. But I digress.
What I've noticed about living here, is that meal time is more formal. Restaurants here never, ever rush people through a meal. In general, dinner is late, so that families can eat together once everyone is home from work. The focus is on sitting together, having conversation and enjoying the food. Wine is almost always served at dinner (not just for special occasions or on the weekend) and it's also not unusual to have wine or beer at lunch. It's not that we don't have special family dinners together in the United States. But in my family growing up, we were on the go during the week and focused on our family time (and enjoyed our dinners together) over the weekend.
For lunchtime, lunches are typically smaller here, usually I send a sandwich, juice and a piece of fruit. The lunch boxes here are easily half of the size of those in the U.S. But the children also take a snack to school, to have in the middle of the morning. I usually send something fun, like a waffle or cake - which reportedly is what all of the other kids bring for snack time. There is also a snack in the afternoon, and again it's usually a time to have cake or something sweet. This doesn't really spoil dinner, because again, dinner is served much later. In general, portions are smaller (in part because food is more expensive) and children are encouraged to clean their plates. I was raised on the clean plate theory, and with prices here, I more than understand the concept of not wanting to waste food.
But how does one take the best of both cultures, and use it to be a better parent? Personally, I try to take some of the best ideas I've observed and learned from living in the culture here, and apply it to our family life with the idea that we are still Americans, and some day we will be again living on U.S. soil. I'm not sure if it makes me a better parent or not, but we are living through an immersion experience and it's always good to have options and try new things, right?
If I send something sweet as a snack for school in the morning, then usually the dessert in their lunchbox is a piece of fruit or applesauce (which is also considered dessert here.) Once a week, the kids have hot lunch at school so they can get used to eating something different, under different cultural requirements (i.e. they usually have to clean their plates.)
I never require my children to clear their plates at home. Our rule is that they have to try at least one of everything. IF we were going to live in Europe forever, I would be a card carrying member of the clean plate club. But I know that some day we will probably be living back in the U.S. With the giant portion sizes in the U.S., I really want my children to learn to listen to their own bodies, and be able to recognize when they are full and stop eating. So we don't always clear our plates here, and I don't feel the least bit guilty about it.
When John isn't traveling, we try to always eat as a family, even if it's a little bit later than we are used to. We are lucky, because with John working from home, his "commute" is to walk down the stairs. Although, that time in the evening (between 4 and 6pm) is usually his busiest due to the time difference, and it's his best time to be on the phone to the U.S. so sometimes it's hard for him to break away. We try to aim for between 6 and 6:30, sometimes it's even later.
But the later we eat, the crabbier my kids get if their bellies are hungry. Besides, as Americans, in our to-go, non-delayed gratification culture, we LOVE our snacks. I don't want to give that up. And again, if we are going to eventually move back to the U.S., then my kids need to learn responsible snacking. So at our house, the kids have an after school snack, like a yogurt, or maybe a cookie or treat. Especially if they had fruit in their lunchbox. As we get closer to dinner, the healthier our snacks get. Sliced apple, or cucumbers. An orange or piece of cheese. The closer we get to dinner, I choose snacks that I wouldn't mind them actually eating for dinner.
I also almost always make popcorn when we have family movie nights. I grew up with that and it was a special family tradition. I'm excited to make that a tradition in my family now. Not to mention, I make really, really good popcorn (if I do say so myself.) I've been told on more than one occasion from several different people that it is "so American," to allow that. But guess what? I'm American. An American that LOVES her popcorn with a good movie and I will never, ever, give it up for anything.
So to wrap up this entire discussion on the incendiary Wall Street Journal article. I think it's easy to make a declaration that one culture or another is superior. It's easy to conduct studies, gather opinions, and form conclusions. Living as an expat in another culture opens a window into different ideas, such as restaurant culture and mealtime. The author of this parenting book (Pamela Druckerman) was lucky to have this opportunity. I feel lucky every single day (even the tough homesick ones) because I know that I get to do something that not a lot of people have the chance to do. But as a fellow expat, who is also a writer and considers herself a good American parent, I suggest that Ms. Druckerman, in authoring a parenting book, also has a responsibility. Not just to present the cultural differences that make the french better parents and declare opinions sure to incite and inflame passions. But also to tell us Americans how to apply those concepts within the confines of our own culture. I sure hope her book does this, because the Wall Street Journal article surely didn't.
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